


Vixx Space Australia

by kbegger



Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: Aliens, Alternate Universe - Space, Awkwardness, Cat/Human Hybrids, Elves, Fluff, Hakyeon is a mind reading elf, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humans Are Weird, Jaehwan is a mood ring caked in chalk and loudness?, Maknaes are brats, Mentioned Other K-pop Artist(s), Space Australia, Taekwoon is a cat (no surprise there...), Wonshik gave Hakyeon an unrealistic expectation on humans, Wonshik is just too nice, the captain is half jellyfish-half cybord Rovix :) because I can
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-06-28 01:02:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 11,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15696966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbegger/pseuds/kbegger
Summary: Out of all the inhabitable planets in the galaxy, Earth was one of the most questionable. It's citizens, a crazy race called Humans, likened their planet's danger level to a section of Earth called Australia. Apparently Earth was space's Australia.Humans are definitely weird. The three humans aboard the Vixx, a Starlight Survey Corp vessel, are very hard to understand.The Cha Lieutenant-Hakyeon, the Leo-Taekwoon and the Ken-Jaehwan try though.





	1. Humans are weird: Teenagers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm jumping on the Space Australia prompts a little late but I do what I want! -_-

Hakyeon had heard Humans were friendly. So far only one of the three he had met were this way. Human Wonshik was nice. He's very laid back. The other two Humans, Human Hongbin and Human Hyuk, were hellions. They wouldn't stop calling him Captain Keebler, no matter how many lower disciplinary actions took place. 

Sure he had 'elf ears' but his race was much more majestic and looked nothing like the ridiculous cartoon they compared him to. Human Wonshik had tried to reassure him he was more of a 'Lord of the Rings' style elf. The pictures for them were nicer even if they were alarmingly pale by his race's standards.

Another reason it was a problem was that he wasn't a captain. The highest ranked officer of the ship was their silent and stoic, half jellyfish-half cyborg, Captain Rovix. Hakyeon was second in charge as Lieutenant and didn't appreciate such a mutinous promotion. It didn't help that the Captain wouldn't help to correct them, stating that crew management was Hakyeon's job. 

He was currently curled around their senior engineer, Human Wonshik, bemoaning his predicament. 

"When I heard more Humans were available for assignment I thought, I've had a great experience working with you, more Humans would be a pleasant addition. These ones are not pleasant. Why didn't you warn me Human Wonshik!"

"Sorry, I thought you knew we all had different personalities. If I was to say all Cha's had the same personality would that be true?"

"No" The Lieutenant pouted.

"If it makes you feel better they like you. They wouldn't make fun of you if they didn't."

"Wait, does that mean you don't like me Human Wonshik?!" 

Human Wonshik laughed "It's not like that. I like you. These kids are still in their rebellious stage. They won't start a mutiny, but they will give those in authority a hard time, especially if you don't treat them like adults. Does that make sense?"

"I'm confused, you say they are kids but I have to treat them like adults? I thought they were adults and I haven't treated them any differently than I treat you." 

Wonshik was having a hard time stifling his snickers. "They are just barely adults. Part of treating the older teenagers like adults is giving them space to make their own decisions, so they learn how to be adults. At that age they are very sensitive to patronizing and it upsets them. The reason they might think you are patronizing them- oh, how do I explain this…um…well you know how you are one of the very few races that can read minds when you have skin contact? I don't mind it when you hug me and listen in to what I'm thinking because I know you and trust you. As a whole Humans aren't used to that. They like to keep their thoughts private. They probably feel like you are monitoring them and not giving them their space to learn how to be adults. Does that help?"

"So me trying to hug them is bad?" Hakyeon looked crestfallen. The Cha race didn't feel the need to be private about anything. They even craved skin contact and being able to hear each other. The habit was both invaluable for space missions and hard to tolerate for some space crews.

"Yeah, sorry. To win them over just treat them with respect and trust them with responsibilities."

"But as much as they complain they secretly like my hugs." Hakyeon pouted. Secrets were also a foreign concept to the Chas. 

"It goes back to that patronizing thing though, they are sensitive to any treatment that may appear like coddling. Just give me all of their hugs. I like hugs." Wonshik tried to comfort the clingy leader. 

"Were you like them at one point?" Hakyeon grumbled. 

"Kind of, I guess. Probably not as wild as them though. Come on, it's lunch time. Hugging Taekwoon always makes you feel better."

"He's just so fluffy and cute!" Hakyeon said excitedly. Yeah, the scowling was cute….sure….

Human Wonshik had received the nick name Ravi which was something about him being really nice and charming in some specific Human language. Hakyeon was jealous of their genuine respect for the elder Human and the graceful bonding name he got.

Jaehwan the Ken and Taekwoon the Leo had received nicknames from the youngest crewmen as well. Or at least they did when they were in the same room as each other. Ken Jaehwan's was Tweety Bird. On top of being experts at mimicry the Kens also had skin that would change colors to different pastel tones. Being that Ken Jaehwan was usually in a good mood he was frequently yellow. His race wasn't avian or feathered, but he didn't mind being called a canary or parrot by the new Humans as long as it was accompanied by being called cute. It was mandatory to call Kens cute or else they made a noxious squawking noise.

When dealing with Ken Jaehwan, Leo Taekwoon's nickname was Sylvester which he disliked (He was generally neither predatory nor hostile to Ken Jaehwan as long as he was unprovoked). The Leo race appearance, when described by Humans, was pretty much that of a Human/ Earth cat hybrid. Leo Taekwoon was black cat with intimidating florescent, green eyes. He had the temperament of an ill-mannered and skittish cat. And apparently he was amiable by his race's standards. Ken Jaehwan, Cha Hakyeon and Human Wonshik were the only aliens he had bonded with. Leo Taekwoon wouldn't even acknowledge that the two new Humans were the same species as Human Wonshik. Maybe just some distant mutant sub-variety. Hakyeon envied that they were still somewhat scared of Leo Taekwoon. 

At least Human Hongbin's birthday was coming up soon and he would no longer be a teenager. In a few weeks Human Hongbin would be just as nice as Human Wonshik, right?


	2. Humans Are Weird: Human Early Years

"There is no way that this is the same race as you. It's way cuter, no offense." Taekwoon remarked as he held the wiggling 'Human' Minyeol carefully, minding his claws in no way harmed the child.

"That is what baby Humans look like. We all started out looking like that." Hyuk stated. He had gotten stuck babysitting the ambassador's toddler son while they were on planet for the intergalactic assembly. "Humans are really vulnerable at that age and need constant supervision so that kitties like you don't eat them." He said, reaching to take the child back. Hyuk's blood pressure was shooting through the roof. The scariest being on board was holding his responsibility. He would never forgive himself if Minyeol became a snack. This was the only thing making him brave enough to put his limbs anywhere near the Leo. 

To his dismay the Leo turned away just slightly and pouted. "He's too cute to eat." He didn't seem to mind that Minyeol was even tugging on his ear with curiosity. In fact he was smiling. Maybe Hyuk was just having a nightmare. "Taekwoon I need to take him ba-"

"Does your kind come from live birth or eggs like Ken Jaehwan?" 

"Live birth. Jae came from an egg?"

"Interesting. How many do you have in a litter?"

"We don't call it a litter. It's usually just one but twins are common too. Taek, can I pleas-"

"Can you make one?"

"What! Oh My God Taek! We are not having that conversation, now please give the baby back. I need to go put him down in his crib for a nap."

"It's ok, he's nearly asleep, I don't mind carrying him. He smells nice." The Leo then started pacing and making soothing cat chirps. Had he been purring this whole time too? Hyuk face palmed. Ok, the baby was safe for the time being. "Ok, just…if he starts crying…come get me. I'll be in the common room. I need you to bring him back to me BEFORE the ambassadors return. Got it?"

"Of course. Now be quiet." Taekwoon murmured, his focus on Minyeol and barely on Hyuk. 

"And remember, he can't do things the way an adult can. He's really fragile. Super uncoordinated. Don't let him eat things or pull on things or crawl on things or, well, don't let him do anything." It was hard to judge how seriously the Leo was taking this.

"I know. Kittens are just as vulnerable. It's fine."

"Ok, fine, ok…" Hyuk felt really conflicted. He didn't want babysitting duty but this was making him nervous even if Minyeol did look quite content in Taekwoon's arms. He made his way to the common room determined to not over think it. Video games helped with that. 

Meanwhile Taekwoon wondered off to find another Human to ask more questions. As long as a baby wasn't a slimy lava they were cute and fascinating. The same with land animals. Avian and aquatic were fine too. Reptiles, fish, and amphibians were pushing it. Insects were a no go no matter what age. He hid in terror whenever the Diptera people were around. 

"Human Wonshik, I have questions about your species' young." Wonshik poked his head out of a maintenance hatch he was working in. The sight of the Leo with a snoozing toddler was strange. He wondered if Taekwoon had bullied Hyuk into handing over the baby. "Sure, Taek, ask away."

"I asked Human Hyuk if he could make one of these and he seemed very distressed by the question, why is that?" Wonshik sputtered with surprise. 

"Technically he can, but he's too young to be thinking about starting a family. Besides no one wants a mini Hyuk running around. Imagine Hyuk, but smaller and brattier."

"Oh…What about you? Would a smaller you be better behaved?"

"Well, there's really no guarantee."

"Because it takes DNA from two Humans to make a new Human?"

"Exactly."

"So if you made a Human with Human Hyuk would the baby be somewhere in between then?"

"Two males can't make a baby. It has to be a male and female. You guys are like that too, you know better. Again really, even if one of us was a girl, there wouldn't be any way to tell how the child would turn out."

"If we brought a Human female into the crew would one of you Humans make a baby with her?" Wonshik face palmed.

"I see why Hyuk didn't want to talk about it. You're trying to convince one of us to have a baby, aren't you?"

"Well…it's just that they are really cute." 

Wonshik rolled his eyes. "For Humans choosing a mate can be really complicated so I wouldn't wait around for that if I were you. Why don't you just go make one of your own? Leo babies are cute too. Any Leo girls you are interested in?" Wonshik suggested slyly. 

"Oh, right. I guess that would work too…" Taekwoon looked deep in thought. "How long do these guys stay cute anyway?"

"Well, I'm cute right?"

"If I say no are you going to screech like Ken Jaehwan?" 

"No, but forget I asked. Some humans are always cute. Minyeol will look like that for maybe another Earth year or two before he starts growing more and starts getting more human child proportioned. It won't be long until he can speak and walk around by himself."

"When he does, do you teach him to hunt?"

"My kind doesn't hunt the way yours does. We send kids to school around the time they reach five years old."

"Hunting school?"

"No, just learning reading and math and stuff like that. Humans generally grow food."

"Oh, so farmer school?"

"Uh, no. I should rephrase. It only takes a few humans to make food for all of the other humans. So school doesn't have to do with food procurement."

"I don't get it. Is it career school? That is quite early for career prep." 

"Ugh, sure, to simplify things we'll call it that. They don't do anything complicated starting out." The Leo still seemed disturbed.

"Enjoy your early years Minyeol. It sounds like things will get harsh all too soon." Taekwoon whispered and returned to wandering around with the sleeping child, any further questions forgotten. Wonshik rolled his eyes. Harsh would be making their young climb from tree to tree and take down rhino sized animals. The leos would be quite shocked by how cushy Human kindergarten is.


	3. Humans Are Weird: Blanket Forts

One of the Gremlins had complained about the Humans destroying the common area and now the Cha, the Ken and the Leo watched from the door way as the humans made an obstruction of blankets draped over the backs of chairs. Now the chairs were obstructed from use. Not as destructive as the Gremlin has sold it to be.

"Why are you making a mess of the common room?" Hakyeon asked incredulously. The Humans froze, mid construction. 

"Blanket fort, duh." Hyuk sassed and went back to trying to balance cushions on the sides where blankets didn't cover. Wonshik went back to tying the ends of a blanket in place and Hongbin went back to moving the viewing screen so they could presumably watch from their 'fort'.

"That hardly looks like it would hardly withstand any kind of attack." Hakyeon said dryly. "Your war simulation would fail miserably."

"It's not a war simulation. See Taekwoon gets it." Hongbin said. The large cat had crawled in and was munching on the snacks inside. 

"I don't really get it. I just thought it looked comfortable."

"Exactly" Wonshik replied.

"But you are sitting on the ground." Jaehwan complained. 

Hyuk got frustrated, "It's a human thing, ok? And a Leo thing too I guess. Cute dust birds and elves apparently don't understand the joys of blanket forts. Now, if you'll excuse us." Hyuk pulled the viewing screen in and draped the last blanket over the last uncovered side. The Humans and Leo were giggling and putting on a movie. 

"Rude." The Ken moped. 

"See. They said I couldn't come in unless I brought them more cheese puffs." The Gremlin moped as well. "This is discrimination. They let Leo Taekwoon in but not us? Lieutenant Cha Hakyeon I want to file a complaint."

"It's not like any of you would fit right now anyway." Wonshik called out. "You had your chance Peniel."

"But, Leo Taekwoon didn't bring cheese puffs!"

"He has claws, he doesn't have to." Hyuk shot back. 

Hakyeon had been rubbing his face in frustration. Why was his crew like this? He bet that no other officers had to log crew disputes over precarious blanket constructions. No, well maybe…there were other humans that dotted the Starlight Survey Corp's stretches. Maybe he should reach out for help from other Lieutenants to see if their humans caused such conflicts as well. 

. . .


	4. Humans Are Weird: Bathing

"Wonshik, just because there are no bang-able chicks on board doesn't mean you can skip showering so much." Hongbin nagged. 

"I don't understand what baby birds have to do with lack of bathing or what the phrase bang-able means." Jaehwan said. Why couldn't they just have normal lunch time conversations? He was tired of turning orange with confusion and embarrassment. 

"Um…nothing is what it sounds like. Lots of slang there. Don't worry about it." Wonshik said, face turning pink. Jaehwan had to run through his mental list: red-mad or burned, pale-scared or sick, yellow-also sick, red patches-allergic reaction, tiny red spots-zits, bug bite or rash, purple or black spots-injury, blue-frozen, pink-embarrassed. Right, embarrassed, well at least he wasn't alone in the matter. 

"If I don't stink what's the point?" Wonshik defended. "Besides I keep weird hours. I shower when I get done with work, you're just asleep by that time." 

"Jae, make sure he showers." Hongbin commanded.

"I don't really understand the issue. Human Wonshik seems fine to me. My kind doesn't do showers either."

"…of course you don't…Your skin is all chalky. When was the last time you had a bath then?"

"Never. I know the concept of it. Cha Hakyeon loves them and Leo Taekwoon also takes them. But my skin is supposed to be this way. I can show you pictures of my family and friends if you need further convincing."

"Then how do you get cleaned up?" Wonshik asked with quirked eyebrows.

"Um, what do you mean?"

"Like if you got some kind of nasty sludge all over you." Wonshik tried to clarify.

"And it smelled bad." Hongbin added to the example hoping Jae wouldn't avoid the topic.

"Then I would have to scrape it off."

"Wouldn't that hurt?" The Humans seemed horrified. 

"Well yeah, I mean why do you think my people hate wet places and do strictly on board type work on expeditions. We don't do away teams. If we do we have to wear air tight suits. I don't really get dirty doing communications work."

"If you scraped the chalky-ness off would your under layer be super brightly colored?" Hongbin asked in morbid curiosity.

"Yes. That's really gory."

"Does your planet have water?" Wonshik asked in amazement.

"Not exactly. We have what you call oil. The oil mists are really refreshing, it feels like I have a light protective coating."

"Why don't you just bathe in oil then?" Hongbin asked with narrowed eyes.

"Absorbing too much is bad for me. Again, really gory. Isn't that the same with you guys?"

"We don't really absorb things the way you do. If we did we would be screwed because 70% of our planet is covered in water." Wonshik informed him. He wondered if Jaehwan knew that humans were also made of 60% water. 

"…I never want to visit your planet…please never take me to your planet. Why does everyone else have such scary planets? Cha Hakyeon with his swamps and Leo Taekwoon with his rainforest…Why?" Jaehwan was turning pink with distress. 

"If it makes you feel better we have lots of pretty deserts too." Wonshik tried.

"Yeah, we could show you the really pretty grand canyon they have in North America or the ancient Egyptian pyramids, those are cool too." Hongbin added in sympathy.

Jaehwan was slowly turning blue in frustration. "Pass. I've heard of your planet. Pictures are all pretty but everything is dangerous. I'm staying in space where it's safe. 

Hongbin rolled his eyes. "Well, fine Jae, you get an exemption. We don't want you dissolving down the drain or looking like a melted crayon. Wonshik you aren't exempt. You shouldn't wait until you are gross to go bathe. Go take a shower or I will tell Hakyeon you need him to start taking baths with you. You know our Lieutenant would love to have someone to shower with." Hongbin nagged again. It would be mortifying to end up with Hakyeon invading personal space and personal thoughts in the shower. 

"Clean freak." Wonshik muttered under his breath as he left to comply. To spite Hongbin he left his half-finished lunch tray. 

Once Wonshik was out of ear shot Jaehwan asked "Was he really that bad by Human standards?"

"Kinda, but I only wanted the rest of his cake. He took the last piece." Hongbin replied, nonchalantly pulling the tray over. 

. . .


	5. Humans Are Weird: Monster Under The Bed

"Oh, come on Hyuk stop being a wimp. It's not like Taekwoon is the boogie man." Hongbin admonished as they walked into the mess hall where Hakyeon, Jaehwan and Wonshik were munching on breakfast.

"Well he looks and acts like one. Seriously, the stuff of nightmares. I can't share a tent with him on this survey or I will be scared for life. Please, pretty please can't you just write me a sick note?"

"Human Hyuk, I'm sitting right here. I can hear you. You aren't getting out of this. And don't be so rude to Leo Taekwoon." It seemed like only Hakyeon knew how silly and soft Taekwoon really was. But with Taekwoon it kind of did take a mind reader to interpret him sometimes. Hyuk just slumped down at the table with some toast and spread jam on it like the moody teen he was. 

"Who is the boogie man?" Jaehwan asked while chewing on dried strips of something that was similar to a meerkat. 

"Oh, he's just this guy parents make up to scare their kids." Hongbin supplied.

"That seem quite cruel." Hakyeon stated looking very disconcerted.

"Well, it's usually to coerce them into doing what we want. Like we tell them about scary things or scary people or reveal that there is monster under their beds to scare them into behaving. We tell them if they are naughty that thing will come take them away or eat them or whatever." Hyuk explained slowly dropping the attitude now that there was food to distract him.

"You put monsters under their beds?" Jaehwan asked with befuddlement. 

"No, Hyuk didn't say that one right. Kids imagine that part and get scared and wake up their parents and their parents have to convince them there is no monster. There never was a monster. That's completely unrelated." Hongbin corrected. 

"My mom told me there was one so that I wouldn't wonder around at night. Your parents didn't do that?" Hyuk asked with innocent questioning.

"No, what the hell is wrong with your parents? What kind of warped childhood did you have?" Hongbin said with a judgmental sneer. 

Hyuk shrugged. "I was well behaved."

"Did you become badly behaved when you realized there was no monster?" Hakyeon asked with a frown. The Humans only laughed. This was not helpful.

"Lies, I am still well behaved." Hyuk giggled. 

"I must have an incorrect understanding of what good behavior and bad behavior is amongst Humans." Hakyeon grumbled. 

Jaehwan missed a beat. "Since you are still 'well behaved' does that mean you still believe there is a monster under your bed?"

"I share a room with Wonshik so yes. I hear growling every night." 

"Ha ha, very funny." Wonshik swatted the maknae. The aliens looked alarmed. 

"Potentially dangerous animal infestations are not funny Human Wonshik." Hakyeon scolded.

"No, he means that my snoring sounds like-"

"I think the monster is following Wonshik. You must have been bad recently. Wonshik, I'm worried about you." Hyuk interrupted with mischievous acting. 

"I'll get Leo Taekwoon." Hakyeon swiftly left the room to sic the equally monstrous cat on the threatening stowaway that was endangering his Humans. 

"What is snoring?" Jaehwan asked, still a little wide eyed from the flurry of Hakyeon's departure.

"Something humans do in their sleep. It's a slight nasally gurgle from congestion. That's all." Wonshik gave Hyuk a pointed stare to warn him not to do it again. Hongbin and Hyuk were poorly stifling their amusement. Wonshik remained dismissively blank faced. "Hyuk, go tell them the truth before they rip our room apart." 

Hyuk snickered "Ah, come on. It was just too easy. This could keep them busy for hours."

"Go."

"Ok, ok. Jae just for reference, most humans don't have very loud snores. Wonshik has snores that sound like a wild boar digging around in our stuff." Hyuk's head disappeared from the door frame right as Wonshik threw a screw driver his way.

"If you ever mess up really badly I'm putting him back in your room." Wonshik dryly threatened Hongbin.

"No, don't put that monster in my room. He's so messy." Hongbin whined.

"Um, I think I missed something. There are no monsters right?" Wonshik rolled his eyes and trudged away to clear his trey, leaving without comment. Hongbin snagged an apple and ran away snickering much to Jaehwan's dismay. 

"Guys?"

Jaehwan suddenly felt very uncomfortable and very alone.

. . .


	6. Humans Are Weird: Santa

"Ah, I love Christmas in August. I hope Gran didn't try to send food again." Hongbin grumbled when Hakyeon handed him the package that had been waiting for them to dock at port since December. Hongbin ripped open the envelope taped to the box and silently read the message, incredulous but fond. 

Hakyeon studied the picture on the front. "What is all of that?"

"Huh? Oh, it's just Santa's sleigh, reindeer, basically all the holiday themed crap that commercialism pushes us to buy." 

Hakyeon blinked at him. 

Hongbin rolled his eyes. "m'kay, point to which part you want to start with."

"Is this holiday about getting deer in harnesses and hauling them up to the roof? Is that whatever this san tah zlei thing is for? How does that work? And what's the point of- oh, come on, stop making fun of me. I only have one picture to go by. I've never heard of this holiday." 

Hongbin breathlessly barked laughter, sinking to the post office counter. "Oh my gosh, this is too good. I can't even-…Hyuk, help! I can't-" Hyuk came as summoned from the other side of the room. "Do I want to know?" He asked, side eyeing his panting friend.

"What's this Human holiday about?" Hakyeon held up the card with a sheepish expression. 

"Depends on who you ask. If you ask me it's about getting together with family and exchanging presents."

"What do the deer have to do with presents? Are you receiving deer? Like some kind of prank?"

Hyuk closed his eyes, trying to gather his composure so he didn't wind up like Hongbin, who was wheezing against a bunch of P.O. Boxes. "No, just no. So the myth is that Santa, that fat guy wearing red, brings presents to kids who have been good all year long. He has a flying…big sled, cart looking thing-"

"The san tah zlei?"

"Oh, you are killing me. Santa is the guy. He owns a sleigh. It's an old English word for the sled thing. So let's get this out of the way. Santa's. Sleigh." Hyuk said, with punctured hand gestures to create emphasis on the break down. 

"Santa's…sleigh." Hakyeon repeated back with uncertainty.

"Correct, so the fat guy brings presents to kids via a flying sled pulled by flying reindeer."

"Can they not land? Is that why they are depicted on the roof?"

"Uh, um, no they can land…It's just…hm…They are on the roof because Santa is supposed to be sneaky…kinda like so the kids don't see him. Back when houses used to be heated by wood fires everyone had chimneys and he would use those to enter the houses."

"What does he do now since Earth houses don't have chimneys?"

"Well he's not real, it's just a story. You can use your imagination and come up with whatever method you like."

"Santa isn't real?" Hakyeon looked pensive. 

Hyuk face palmed. He just ruined Hakyeon's childhood.

. . .


	7. Humans Are Weird: Spiders

"Human Hyuk, why do you have a blow torch? How is this related to your geophysics study?" The lieutenant questioned with heavy suspicion. The younger Humans had a way with destruction. The Cha had just caught the maknae rooting around in a engineering supply cabinet as he was on his way to check inventory before their next port call. 

"It's not, I just need it."

"No, nope, no. Leave repairs to the engineering crew."

"Well, no technically it's for Wonshik, but he isn't making repairs. There was a spider in our room and he told me to go get it since he's too scared to move."

"…What is a spider?"

"It's an Earth bug. One must have hitched a ride on one of the food crates. At least I hope it's only one. Wonshik is paranoid that there are more and having this around will make him feel better. If he stops sleeping again that's why."

"And it's so dangerous you need a blow torch to kill them? Should I send Leo Taekwoon to help?"

"Psh, he does everything except bugs remember? In fact don't tell him about the spider. It will just freak him out. Technically I can just kill it with a shoe or something hard, but when it comes to bugs Wonshik isn't very rational."

"A sleep deprived Human with restricted access tool…Human Hyuk, just give me the blow torch before the two of you burn down your room." The maknae looked at him sheepishly and didn't hand it over.

"Human Hyuk. Right now." He just kept looking between the torch and his superior.

"Human Hyuk!"

And just their luck, Taekwoon walked up on their scene. "What's going on?" The Leo asked, suspicious of the younger Humans in general as well. 

"These idiot are over reacting about an easy to dispose of bug. Human Hyuk, I have back up now. Hand it over." Hakyeon grumbled. 

"Bug?" Taekwoon repeated.

"Yup." Hyuk confirmed

"Cha Hakyeon, as an exozoologist I can assure you that the blow torch is absolutely necessary. Human Hyuk carry on." The two split in opposite directions before Hakyeon could catch either of them. He just stood in the supply room flabbergasted. Why was his crew like this? He needed to get a proper entomologist so the Humans and Leo Taekwoon wouldn't burn down the ship. 

. . .


	8. Humans Are Weird: Phobias

"Human Hongbin, I know you are upset about something. What's wrong?" Hakyeon asked. He was moving to put his arms around the Human but was thwarted when Hongbin snapped "Don't touch me. I'm fine. Go away." But Hakyeon was determined. He wrestled the Human into a hug so he could tap into his thoughts.

_I hate you. Hongbin mentally groaned._

_"Why?" Hakyeon thought to him._

_No, just this. When you force hugs on me. Seriously, nothing is wrong. Let go._

_……_

_How long do I have to endure this?_

_…._

_Hakyeon, Seriously._

_….._

_I don't need this. I just want to sleep. That's all…nightmare. I mean insomnia. Medical stuff. I'll ask Hyo Shine for prescription for sleeping pills._

_"What did you have a nightmare about?"_

_You, you're the nightmare. Now leave me alone Captain Keebler._

_"Rude"_

_Oh, I have plenty of rude thoughts for you. Brain, stay quiet. Just nothing, just think of nothing. No thoughts, just count your breathes, he'll eventually get bored. Clowns. Shut up. Cracking white face. Oh my God, shut up! Think of nothing, just think of nothing. Just think of nothing. Breath._

_"What is a clown?"_

_God damn it_

_No I'm not doing this. I don't want to go back to that…I mean…I'm not talking about it. No, go away Hakyeon. Go ask the others what a clow- C word is._

_….._

_Fine. I watched the movie 'Zombie land' and it had this creepy ass clown in one of the scenes. I'm freaked out by clowns. They've always scared the shit out of me._

_"Gross"_

_Not literally, it's just an Earth phrase. Anyway it was chasing me through this theme park place. Clowns used to be just dressed up actors that would do funny skits, but now days it's only psychopaths that have this evil clown make up and ratty clown costume and stare at people and hold knives and….they're all freaking serial killers._

_"There are no clowns here. You are safe."_

_I know. It was just a nightmare._

_….._

_You can let go now._

_"Not until you feel better."_ They two sat in silence for a while as Hongbin nestled into the hug.

_"What does a clown look like anyway?"_ Hongbin pulled up a picture of the one from the movie on his cell.

_"Oh dagos! Put that away. It looks like a crazed Jatharan."_

_Jatharan? As in that Jatharan entomologist we're picking up at the next port?_

_"Oh dagos…."_

_Let me go. I need to go throw myself out the nearest air lock._

_"They are friendly though. I'm sure this one is very nice."_

_You just informed me that there is a whole race of aliens that look like my worst fear. I'm never going to feel better. I might as well just take a suit-less space run._

_"Don't worry. Look, look this is what they really look like."_ Hakyeon pulled up a picture of one on his cell.

_No, God No! That is not any better!_

_"But it's discrimination to send him back now."_

_Bullshit! You don't make Taekwoon work with anyone who has insect morphology. I can't just stay sequestered to my room all the time. God, I'm never going to sleep again!_

_"Ok, ok. I'll figure something out."_

_I hate everything right now._

_"Hey, hey. Don't cry. You are safe. I've got you. Shu, shu, shu, shu."_ Why was his crew like this? . . .


	9. Humans (And Cha) Are Weird: Part I Omnivores and Part II Parental Honor

Part I

"Jae, I'm a little tired of eating this meerkat animal. Do you have anything else?" Wonshik complained.  
The Humans from the crew were visiting Jaehwan's planet and at home Jaehwan had plenty of dried talock meat (a meerkat like animal) and not much else. 

"No, that is all my kind needs. I will never understand some species' penchant for eating so many different things. I only ever eat talock. It has all the necessary nutrients."

"We're omnivores. We need a little bit of everything to get proper nutrients for Humans."

"We'll I mean we've got vegetation here but I've never tried to eat it so I don't know if it's any good. Or even edible for Humans."

"Where?" Wonshik asked excitedly. It was day 8 out of 15 for leave on the Ken home planet and he had been served talock with very little change in the way of preparation methods along with the air tight sealed water Jaehwan had thoughtfully brought for the Humans. 

The four of them roamed out into the chalky hills streaked with beautiful shades of pastels, mostly pinks. Though they had stun guns staffs Jaehwan still turned pink around animals called picpics. They were a strange carnivorous elephant looking thing with feathers. It used to be the top predator of the planet. In ancient times they were Ken eaters, but now days they went after the smaller animals. If it weren't for Jaehwan making movements they would have lost view of him among the pink rocks. 

The first place Jaehwan took them to was a flatter grassy area. Hongbin scanned the grass which was crimson and filled with lead oxide and oil. Too fatal. Scans of other red hued plants yielded similar results. 

Jaehwan then took them to a grove that had plants similar to bamboo, if bamboo was a brilliant teal. It's coloration was from something reminiscent of chlorophyll and had organic sugars, vitamins, oil and fiber. The Humans were over joyed. There were no harmful chemicals or microorganisms or pests attached. 

They brought it back to Jaehwan's. It was ok raw. They tried cooking it and used the limited spices at their disposal. They scarfed it down looking more like predators than omnivores eating vegetables. Jaehwan tried it but wasn't terribly fond of it. In fact it was very hard on his digestive tract. He spent the next two days curled up in bed cursing Humans and their need for variety. It didn't stop them from harvesting a bunch to take on the ship with them. Turns out it had a long shelf life too. Jaehwan swore off vegetables.

Part II

"I don't get it either." The Leo commiserated with the Ken once the crew had returned and were sitting in the mess hall together for lunch. "I would throw up trying to eat that." Taekwoon said, looking at the Ken planet's bamboo in disgust. Both were carnivores. 

"Well I'm happy to not be the only omnivore anymore." Hakyeon said cheerfully from where he was leaning on Wonshik. "Now I can cook for people."

"Cha Hakyeon, it's not that I can't digest your cooking. You are just a bad cook." Taekwoon poked at him blandly. Hakyeon was completely affronted and grumbled threats at the large cat for such slander. Taekwoon shrugged. "No, really, don't eat it unless you want food poisoning." This caused a wrestling match between the two until Hakyeon had Taekwoon by the ears. 

"You're grounded. Bad kitty. Go to your room."

"Shesh, Mom, we'll eat your cooking. Now let the guy eat or else he'll get cranky on the survey trip down to xeous IV this afternoon." Hyuk butted in. 

Hakyeon went silent in confusion then beamed a ridiculously large and fond smile. Taekwoon's ears were forgotten. 

"Human Hyuk I'm so honored! You see me as a parental figure? I mean I'm male so calling me mom is a little confusing, but I'm still touched. I didn't know you thought so highly of me. As mom I will plan a special meal for you! I'll go track down suitable recipes." The Lieutenant said cutely before skipping out the door. 

"What just happened?" Hyuk was stunned. He thought Hakyeon understood sarcasm. "Really. What just happened? Somebody help." 

"Sounds like Cha Hakyeon is your adoptive space mom." Taekwoon supplied. 

"But I don't need a space mom!" Hyuk proclaimed in shock.

"Well, it seems you have one regardless, Human Hyuk." The Leo replied. 

"Oh, no, no, no."

"Oh, come on Hyukkie. You saw how happy it made him. Just go with it." Wonshik coaxed with a smirk. 

"If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me."

"Agh, dagos." Wonshik cussed.

. . .


	10. Humans Are Weird: Domestication

Taekwoon was transfixed as he followed Wonshik down the hall. His impulses took over when he saw the flashy end of a yellow extension cord dragging behind the engineer. He was now stalking it. He didn't mean to. He had just gone to grab a tape measure to use in the lab and then ended up on an embarrassing but stimulating hunt. Wonshik didn't notice at all. He was absorbed in work and had let the cord dangle off the platform he was on. Taekwoon batted at it in amusement and scared the shit out of the engineer coming down to plug that end in. Taekwoon was frozen and mortified.

"Ah gugoda dagos. Taekwoon, you gave me a heart attack."

Taekwoon's eyes widened. "What?! Med bay, right now." He made to haul the Human away, but he laughed and assured him it was just an Earth phrase to mean he was startled. It left Taekwoon scratching the back of his neck and not making eye contact.

"What were you doing anyway?" Wonshik asked. Taekwoon wouldn't answer and made to scuffle away so Wonshik caught him in a hug. "Hey, hey, it's no big deal. It was cute."

"I'm not cute." Taekwoon mumbled. Wonshik gave him an apologetic smile and ruffled the shy cat's hair. "

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel weird." Wonshik said softly.

"mm" the cat replied complacently.

"Are you ok?" Wonshik asked his moody crewmate.

"I don't really want to talk about it."

"Hakyeon said you seem a little off lately and you've been avoiding him."

"I just don't want to talk about it. It's nothing personal to him. Now, touch my hair one more time and I will bite you."

Wonshik retracted his hands in alarm and the Leo disappeared down the hall. "Well that was weird…" Wonshik grumbled and returned to his work.

Likewise Taekwoon returned to his desk and sulked. He didn't even bother to try to look busy. He had been glum after Hyuk informed him that he acted just like an Earth cat. As lovely as the creature was it seemed like a downgrade from being a formidable Leo. Since then Hyuk began cruelly experimenting on domesticating his boss. He had fallen for all of it- the laser pointer, the comfy card board box, dragging around small animal toys tied to string, Hyuk even purposely chased the Leo into the corner with bug specimens to elicit growling and hissing in fear. He practically climbed the wall to get away. Hyuk had ominously told him he would be keeping a 'lucky' cricket in his pocket from now on. Vile pest.

The tables had been completely turned. Cute cat videos were ruined for him. They just made him more depressed. Later that day he was ambushed by a snuggly Hakyeon and was forced to reveal the situation. "I don't want to be cute. I'm a predator, not a play thing." He yowled morosely. The whole thing was humiliating and he hid out in the obscured part of the lab for the next couple days. It spooked him when Hyuk brought a chair over to sit next to him as he typed. Taekwoon just stared at him, waiting for playing that would scar his pride.

"Taekwoon, it's been brought to my attention that you don't enjoy playing with me and I wanted to apologize. I have a peace offering that might make you feel better. Just…don't open it until you are alone."

The Leo examined the package. It smelled nice. So nice he wanted to rip into it but instead he opened his desk drawer and shoved it in, not supplying any thank you. It might not be something to thank Hyuk for. The Human just gave him a tight smile and patted him on the shoulder before leaving.

Once out the door Hyuk halted. Hakyeon was waiting for him. "What did you give him just now?" Hakyeon asked, not even trying to mask wrath and suspicion.

"Just something cats like. I'm done I swear. He and I are even. He doesn't mess with me, I don't mess with him." Hakyeon glared. "Hakyeon, I'm serious."

"He never did anything to you to start with."

"He was scary. He was being scary on purpose. I've been around him long enough to know he doesn't act that way around you guys. It's nice to know he's just curious and docile, not ferocious and malicious." Hakyeon just raised his eyebrows, clearly unimpressed. Now it was Hakyeon that was starting to scare Hyuk.

He rested a heavy hand on the side of the young Human's neck and through telepathy warned him " _You humiliate my friend one more time and accidents are going to start happening to you. Stop trying to 'tame' him. Taekwoon isn't one of your cat videos. In fact you've been to the Ken planet recently. Taekwoon loves the taste of picpic. Especially when he hunts it all by himself, no stun gun supplies needed._ " Hyuk gulped. He should probably take his turn to hide. Especially before Taekwoon ripped into the cat nip.

Hakyeon watched the Human go wondering why Hyuk was such a vindictive little shit. But he had lied, Taekwoon was totally cute cat video material. Bless the Humans for their weird penchant to make such a wonderful form of entertainment. He could never tell Taekwoon that he had spent hours watching the cute Earth animals. If it wouldn't have been upsetting to Taekwoon, he would have already hounded the Humans into getting him a small domesticated feline.

. . .


	11. Humans Are Weird: Sarcasm

"Psh, and I'm the Queen of England you ignorant pustule. Now go get the rest of our order."

"I'm sorry your majesty. I didn't realize. I will get right on that!" The supply worker said in a rushed fluster. 

"Woah, Human Hongbin you are a Queen? Why didn't you tell me? Isn't that kind of thing a big importance among your people? And wait…I thought you were a dude." Jaehwan looked very confused by the astounding new information about the crew member he thought he knew so well. He thought a Human's sex was pretty easy to determine. The ones with dangly bits between their legs were male. Hongbin had dangly bits. 

Hongbin face palmed when he realized that Jaehwan was staring at his crotch with confusion. "I was being sarcastic. I'm not the Queen of England. It's a phrase people say when they think someone is being ridiculous."

"Why didn't you just say he was being ridiculous?"

"I didn't think he would take me seriously. I don't know why he did. It's not like he would have a clue about where England is or that it's even real. Sarcasm is…have you heard of sarcasm?"

"No, what is a sarcasm?" Jaehwan was becoming orange from embarrassment and confusion.

"I…oh, boy. So it's when you say something that you don't mean in a certain tone of voice and use certain facial expressions. That probably doesn't make sense. I'll teach you later." The last thing Jaehwan needed to learn was Sarcasm, especially while they were port side. Hakyeon would tear him a new one. 

As much as he tried to dodge teaching him, Hyuk thwarted Jaehwan's ignorance by giving him a lesson on the nuances of Human communication. Then everyone wished he would unlearn sarcasm.

. . .


	12. Humans Are Weird: Talking to Themselves

"Cha Hakyeon, I am concerned about Human Hongbin. I've walked past the medical bay a few times today and every time I do he seems to be talking but there is no one there." 

Hakyeon grew concerned about the information Jaehwan just relayed to him. "Even someone really tiny? Or was there a communication device he could be talking on?"

"I don't think so. Come see." The two aliens peaked through the door way to see Hongbin mumbling while working on a piece of machinery. 

"Let's see, that's good. Ok, then left and thread. I think. Or was it left pull under and then thread…hm. Oh yeah, that's right. Notch after that."

"Human Hongbin who are you talking to? And what are you talking about?" Jaehwan was looking at Hongbin with concern, his skin a somewhat pinkish as he spoke.

"Uh, I wasn't talking to anyone. I'm just trying to remember how to set up this piece of crap, Ikea hell equipment. Hyo Shin got this holographic mapping surgical set on the cheap, but it needs lots of repairs and fine tuning." 

"Ah, and where is Lorfiel Hyo Shin right now?" Hakyeon inquired. 

"Um, Photosynthesizing I think, but let the guy rest. I can probably help you. What do you need?"

"Um, no, nothing, just wondering. Remember to have him check your work later."

"Of course. I always do." Hongbin said with his head cocked to the side in confusion as the senior crewmen slid out of sight. What was that about?

And so of course they do exactly what Human Hongbin told them not to do. "Lieutenant, I have told you multiple times, whatever you need, Human Hongbin is qualified to do most of it. This is really overstepping boundaries. You are interrupting my sun lamp time so this better be good. If this is like last time I will file a complaint."

"He threatened to cut off my arm so that the spot where I got that huge splinter would stop hurting." Hakyeon glowered. 

"It was only a millimeter wide and a centimeter long and he was kidding. It's a medical joke. You don't have to be from Earth to get it. It's a common sense thing. Now what do you want?"

"He's, well, he's talking as he is setting up that new machinery in the med bay and there is no one there." Jaehwan then mimicked word for word in perfect Hongbin voice what he was saying when they walked in. 

"Oh, hm…come in." The Lorfiel led the way into his room and his ropey vine fingers pulled a medical book down from the shelf. "At least it sounds like he's doing it right" Hyo Shin mumbled while flicking through a human medical reference book. The other two aliens looked around uncomfortably. "You can sit where ever." Hyo Shin informed them absent mindedly. 

"But there's nothing to sit on…" Jaehwan petulantly countered. 

"Plenty of dirt in here. Sit on that." Hyo Shin said without giving them a glance and flopped down on a mound of foliage to sit under his sun lamp again. The two gingerly sat on a grassy looking mound to wait. 

"This could be a problem. This kind of behavior could be caused by a number of things. Any sign of a head injury? Or did he seem irrational about anything? Was he regressing in age? Wait not that one. Sorry, humans don't do that…um…there weren't any toxic gases leaking in the med bay were there? Or drugs involved? He didn't seem possessed? And he said he wasn't talking to anyone so that rules out acquiring any new supernatural senses or multiple personality disorder…" Hyo Shin had gotten no's on all of his questions.

"Well the only other thing I can think of is that he's developed some type of mental illness, though I would think I would have noticed that coming on, hm……I'm not as familiar with the finer points of Human psychology so next time we dock I can have a Human psychiatrist analyze him. That's the best I can do."

"But are we safe? I mean, is it safe for him to work until then?" Hakyeon asked with abundant worry written all over his features. 

Hyo Shin sighed. He might need to try to do some preliminary work. He felt guilty for missing the signs of something ailing his understudy. "For now yes. I'll keep a close eye on him and inform you of any changes."

The two senior crewmen were on their way to the bridge when a fuming Hyuk passed without acknowledging them. Under his breath he was muttering "Stupid Minah and her stupid blue hair and stupid black freckles, making me look like a chump. I know what I'm doing. Calling me jungle baby all the time. I've never lived in a jun-."

"Human Hyuk, did you say something just now?" Hakyeon inquired. 

Hyuk startled and a blush ran across his cheeks. "Um, no, nothing. Nothing at all." He turned, wide eyed and hurried away.

"It's spreading." Jaehwan said with dismay. 

"Let's just go check on Human Wonshik and see if he's safe from this." Hakyeon said with nervousness. 

They founding him softly banging his head back on the support joist next to the control panel he was slumped under. "Wonshik, why? Why do you always do this to yourself? Take more notes, you have a notebook. Mmrgh." 

"Human Wonshik?..." Hakyeon called for him in concerned questioning. 

"I just screwed up and didn't write down the sequence I'm supposed to input in here. This stupid systems check is going to take me another two hours. I just want to watch the next season of 'Morigog Murder Mysteries' or sleep or something that isn't THIS systems check." The senior engineer whined. 

"And, uh, who were you talking to before we came over?" Hakyeon followed up after the short rant.

"Just myself." The other two stared at him.

"What? It's a Human thing."

"So that's normal? There is nothing wrong with you?" Jaehwan asked, seeking confirmation.

"Well there's probably something wrong with me, seeing as I never seem to learn my lesson, but yes it's normal for Humans to talk to themselves."

"So we don't have to worry about Human Hongbin and Human Hyuk's mental health?" Hakyeon added to the verification.

"Nah" Wonshik dismissed. "They're fine."

"So we spent the last hour worrying about nothing?" Jaehwan stated with annoyance.

"More than likely, I guess." Wonshik answer with a little uncertainty over what kind of conclusion they thought they had come to over this random self-guiding habit. 

"GAH! I'm off to tell Lorfiel Hyo Shin he's a fricking quack." Jaehwan stomped away.

"What does that phrase mean?" Hakyeon asked as they watch the communications officer recede down the hallway. 

"That Jaehwan spends too much time with the maknaes. I think they've been teaching him odd Human insults again."

"Should I go after him?"

"Yeah, Hyo Shin will know what that one means if Hongbin has ever complained about other doctors and their lack of skill to him."

"On it."

. . .


	13. Humans Are Weird: The Silent Treatment

"I want to climb that." 

"No Human Hyuk you can't climb that." Taekwoon scolded. Too late.

"You can't tell what to do. I'm king of the rock!" The Human unabashedly giggled and continued climbing up the boulders that he was now self-appointed king of. 

"Human Hyuk get down now before you get stuck." 

Taekwoon rested his hands on his hips and mumbled to Eunji "I'm about ready to ban our Human from field work. He's driving me crazy."

"Oh, let him be. The worst that could happen is that he dies."

"!Meen Eunji. We don't want him to die. Cha Hakyeon would cry. He's his child now."   
[!=the clicks like in the Xhosa language. Real thing, I'm not making that up.]

"Oh right, True."

The two aliens watched Human Hyuk clambering around on the tall rocks of Xeous VII. He was having a blast with no thought of caution. 

"AAH, AAH, AAH, SNAKE!" The Human screeched and climbed up even higher on the rock wall he was on. It was an amazing climb being that it was a sheer vertical surface. Crouching on his ledge he watched as Taekwoon killed it with his stun gun staff. 

"Human Hyuk, a few things. One, I told you not to be climbing around on that stuff. Two, that was not as you called it a snake. It was a poisonous corrigalak. See it has a hair trail on its spine and warts. And three, where is your staff? " Hyuk sheepishly pointed to an out of reach, neighboring ledge below him. 

"Yeah, we give you those things for these kinds of situations." Eunji added in to the scolding. "Now let's go. Get down here." Hyuk looked around for a route but there weren't any good footholds or handholds to get to the next spot he could stand at. The two aliens on the ground snickered. The Human was stuck. "We're waiting….Just go down the same way you came up." Taekwoon teased. Hyuk looked both scared and frustrated, but stayed silent. 

"Tell you what, Hyukkie you just hang out up there and we'll use the shuttle to pick you up at the end of the day. Can't be wasting fuel, you know." Eunji said with a sly smirk. To Taekwoon she murmured "Well as long as he doesn't fall off he's become much easier to deal with now, right?" The Leo snickered in response and they went back to their respective duties. But despite all of this it was still worrying Taekwoon. The Human looked so sad and lonely. In the middle of the afternoon he was noticing that many of the scientists who needed water were starting to refill their water bottles. Humans needed to stay hydrated too didn't they. And his pack was sitting next to his staff. The Leo rolled his eyes and put the water bottle in his pocket. Then he tested his ability to climb up using his claws. His tail swished as he plotted his course up. Hyuk hadn't expected it when Taekwoon hauled himself over the ledge and offered the water bottle. Hyuk wordlessly took it. 

"Are you ok?" Taekwoon asked. He didn't get any response from the sullen scientist. "Human Hyuk?" The teen just turned away and faced the side of the outcropping. "Are you hurt?" Hyuk shook his head. Unsure of what to do now he looked out at the view. At least they had left Hyuk with something to look at. "I can try carrying you down on my back if you'd like." The Leo offered. Hyuk just shook his head again. "Ok, well I guess I'm going to go back to work. Let me know if you need anything." The cat then gracefully scaled back down. This was really starting to worry him. Had they somehow broken the Human? He wasn't his evil little brat-self right now. Out of Hyuk's earshot he pulled out his cell and com 'ed Jaehwan. 

"Leo Taekwoon? Is there a problem?" The Ken asked. Usually they only called up when there was one or if they were heading back to the ship. 

"Nothing serious. There's just…there's an issue that I don't know how to handle."

"But as field supervisor you're supposed to know how to deal with all issues." 

"That was sarcasm, wasn't it?" Taekwoon responded.

"Yup! I'm getting good at it. So what can I do for you?"

"Was that sarcasm as well?"

"No, I was legitimately trying to help this time, but if you don't need anything…"

"Wait, no, it's just a Human issue. Are there instances where they lose their voices?"

"uh…no?"

"No?"

"Why, what is Human Hyuk doing?"

"We kinda left him on a cliff."

"….that sounds bad."

"Well, he's not in any danger and he's the one who got himself up there. He just can't get back down. We'll use the shuttle to pick him up when we head back tonight."

"Oh, ok. So how does this correlate to him losing his voice?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm calling." 

"Want me to try to get him to talk?" 

"Don't say it in that tone of voice. This isn't an interrogation."

"Ha ha. Sorry. I'll be right back, I'm just going to ask Human Hongbin for input."

"Sure." 

Several minutes later. "Ok, so he says if a Human gets traumatized they can lose their voice. Also if they have screamed too much they can get hoarse or if they get what he called a cold his throat could get really irritated."

"A cold being?"

"Similar to apuffaloma but not deadly to humans."

"They can survive apuffaloma?!"

"Well they're rumored to be really hardy. Maybe just have Hyuk jump down."

"…I don't think that is an option."

"Did you suggest going down the same way he came up?"

"I was watching him and I don't know how he did it. I don't think he does either."

"That's weird. Maybe he's traumatized by that. Or did he scream a lot? Or does he seem to be coming down with apuffaloma?"

"No on the apuffaloma. Stop saying that. He did scream when he saw the currigalak but that wasn't very long. I've seen him yell a lot when you guys are playing games and he's never had any problems. So I guess the whole situation was traumatizing. Now I feel bad. What do you think I should do?" Just then Eunji poked his sides and the Leo hissed. 

"Taek, hang up. It's just two more hours of work then we'll get him. He'll be fine until then, even if he is traumatized. We need to make use of the daylight so that we don't get bit by all of the currigalaks that come out at night."

"Leo Taekwoon, go ahead. I will ask the Humans what to do and have them prepare whatever will help with his silence. Perhaps Cha Hakyeon can get some insight for you."

"Ok, Thank you Ken Jaehwan see you in a few hours." Eunji rolled her eyes and gave him a patronizing head shake. 

"If Hakyeon is his space mom then you must be his space dad."

"If this has traumatized him what do you think we should do?" 

"Mm, dunno. Send him back to Earth?" Taekwoon looked contemplative at her answer. 

"That sounds perfect."

"Stop spouting lies. I can only roll my eyes so many times in one day."

The next two hours went very slowly for the Leo. They were able to get Hyuk into the shuttle with ease. Taekwoon tried to give him a consoling hug, but was side stepped as the Human sped walked to the bathroom. He didn't come out until they were already in the shuttle bay of Vixx. 

The first thing Hyuk was greeted with was Hongbin's not so polite cackle. "You dumbass, I can't believe you got stuck."

"Agh, Shut your face." Hyuk hissed.

"And a little birdy told everyone that this traumatized you so much you'll never speak again."

"How did Tweety Bird find out?"

"You wouldn't answer any of my questions vocally and you seemed really sad." Taekwoon said almost inaudibly. "I wanted input on the situation."

"I'll translate, Sylvester was really worried about you and made the mistake of consulting Jae." Hongbin 'translated'.

Eunji added in "He's totally your space dad! You were like his little itty bitty kitten too young to be crawling around in trees." She wrapped her long arms around Hyuk twice and he gave her a depleted glare. 

"I don't want to talk to any of you." Hyuk said with a huff and pushed away from his teasing friends. Taekwoon looked a little forlorn and turned to the after care of the shuttle. At least he didn't break the Human. Hyuk was just being what Wonshik called 'a moody teenager'. 

When Taekwoon was having a bad day he always wanted ear scritches from Hakyeon. It made him feel better when he walked into the Cha's room to see Hyuk passed out on Hakyeon's shoulder. Taekwoon took Hakyeon's hand to gesture that he wanted to have a telepathic conversation.

Is he ok?

"Yes, just embarrassed and frustrated. It's understandable, the whole team had walked by and teased him at least once. He was grateful for the water by the way. Thought I would tell you since he won't say it out loud. Humans have as much stubborn pride as a…ha as a Leo." said Leo rolled his eyes. "Anyway, Human Wonshik told me earlier that this silent treatment is a way for Humans to show anger without escalating the situation. He just won't talk to the people who made him feel that way for a while. At least until he's done being mad. Human Wonshik said it's best to be kind in all interactions and just wait it out. Just pretend the embarrassing thing never happened."

They quietly observed the Human who was in the safety of slumber. "Isn't he cute like this?" Hakyeon thought to Taekwoon.

Yeah, but I already asked Human Wonshik if one of the Humans would make a Human baby if we brought a female on board and he said no.

"They won't? Aw, that's too bad. A smaller version of Human Hyuk would probably be cute."

"Human Wonshik said that that would not be the case."

. . .


	14. Humans Are Weird: Great, Great Aunt Rin

"Jaehwan get up. It's not that big of a deal." Hongbin said dryly. It was fairly common for the crew to share details on the events happening on their planets even if it was mundane. Hongbin's news had been very triggering for Jaehwan. His coloration had gone from yellow to purple to green as if he was a psychedelic screen saver. 

"How can you say that! It is too a big deal when a relative dies! I'm trying to mourn with you. Why aren't you mourning? Are Humans really that callous about death?" Jaehwan screeched from where he lay starfish style on the common room floor. This posture was how the Ken showed sorrow. Hongbin was wishing Jaehwan had tear ducts and didn't flop around like a tantrum throwing toddler. The Ken's coloration was turning more of a light teal now.

"Get down here and show respect for the dead!" He bellowed. 

Hongbin complied but tried to explain. "Great, Great Aunt Rin was really old. She isn't suffering from any of her ailments anymore. Overall she had a good life. Her death isn't sad, not in the traditional sense. Besides Great, Great Aunt is not a very close relationship. She was my Grandma's aunt. I never actually knew her. Can we please get up now? People are staring."

"I don't like this or understand. Why are you so unaffected?" The Ken asked haughtily. 

"Death is inevitable for all Humans. We can't cry about everyone. Usually it's only people we were really close to and will miss them being in our lives. I'm sure Pedro in Uruguay died just now and I wouldn't have known and it doesn't affect my life in anyway. We'd be constantly mourning daily, no hourly. In fact you mourning at all doesn't make sense." 

"Well be that way." The now fully blue Ken pouted and returned to his spot on the couch. Hongbin was about to un pause the game they were playing, but Jaehwan seem disinterested now. 

"What is your view on death then?" Hongbin asked, trying to keep patronizing out of his tone. 

"Every life is valued by the Ken. Even if we weren't close we can't help but feel sad at the mention of it. On the Ken home planet even one death will affect everyone else."

"…I see…" Hongbin didn't really see but Ken was starting to get more green hued. 

"What do you Humans know. You can be like bugs sometimes."

"Excuse you!" Hongbin said in a dangerously low tone and now fully faced Jaehwan.

"Well come on! There are ten billion of you and your life spans are so short. I guess ants don't mourn so why would you." Hongbin slammed the game controller down and stormed out of the common room. 

"Not cool bro." Hyuk said, he and Wonshik following from the other side of the room. 

"I said you were like Ken about something last week and you didn't flip shit about that!"

"Bugs and Ken are very different. And apparently so are Ken and Humans." Hyuk said with finality. Jaehwan un paused the game and huffed a sigh and said something about backwards humans under his breath. 

"Ken Jaehwan, is there something more than being mad about Human mourning habits going on?" Their survey team horticulturist, Sojin, asked softly from a neighboring couch. 

"Are you kidding me? Their 'habits' are revolting. Such disregard for life."

Her blue hair cascaded down as she went back to her book feeling a bit disappointed and worried Jaehwan would explode on her if she kept up conversation.

But it spilled out of her mouth before she could filter it. "Still comparing them to a creature that doesn't have cerebral cortexes developed enough for complex speech and is universally hated as a pest was way over doing it." She slapped her hand over her mouth and looked at Jaehwan wide eyed. "Sorry" She squeaked. She slowly removed her hand.

"I mean you do have a point with their being ten billion of them compared the two hundred thousand Ken. Think of it this way; one Ken would proportionally be fifty thousand Humans. Tack on the fact that Ken life span is usually six times longer. On an economic scale a proportion of fifty thousand multiplied by six for added life times of experience would be three hundred thousand Humans. It's more than your whole population. The loss of one person in your economy has much more of an effect on your people."

"Death isn't a about numbers Que-ulla Sojin." Jaehwan grumbled. 

"It's not, no…..I've studied Earth agriculture at nauseum. Honestly it's interesting how a planet the size of Mocorus linzat can feed ten million people. They also deal with an extreme amount of natural disasters. Tsunamis, tornados, hurricanes, wildfires, sudden drops in temperature, volcanic activity, earth quakes, landslides, flooding, droughts, disease outbreaks. You name it, they have it. And don't even get me started on their infighting and deviants who have no concern for others."

Jaehwan huffed a relenting sigh, now just a calmer purple blue color. "Ok, what's your point."

"Humans face so much death. They are surrounded by it. There are many awful ways to die. Dying of old age sounds better than the more frightening and violent options. In their culture it is the best way to die. Besides does Great, Great Aunt Rin's death have any impact on your life? Will things be different in your day to day life?"

"I guess not."

"If it makes you feel any better you are important to our Humans. The whole of planet Earth wouldn't mourn you but these ones would."

"Thanks Que-Ulla Sojin." 

"Well sort of…they will probably die before you."

"Thank. You. Que-Ulla. Sojin."

"Any time." 

. . .


	15. Humans Are Weird: Betting

"Gugoda! What did you just do to your fingers Human Wonshik!" Jaehwan yelped at the sound of cracking knuckles. 

"Relax, it's just something we do when our hands feel stiff. It feels better after that."

"Bro you really shouldn't do that, it's bad for you. You'll get arthritis." Hyuk said, pointing his pen toward the fellow Human.

"Where is your proof?" Wonshik shot back. 

"Ask Hongbin when he gets here." Hyuk retorted and stuck out his tongue. 

"I bet you 25 Realm currency units that I'm right." Wonshik said with a mischievous grin. 

"You're on." Hyuk mirrored

"Wait, what are you guys doing?" Jaehwan asked, examining Wonshik's hand.

"You want in too? The people that get it right gets 25RCU from the people who get it wrong. Collectively I mean. Should we up it to 30 in case we need to split it?" Wonshik proposed.

"Sounds fair. What do you do you think Jae? Want to place a bet?" Hyuk agreed.

"So if I'm right I get money. If I'm wrong I give money. This doesn't sound like a wise idea." Jaehwan speculated.

"Ha, it's not, it's just for fun." Hyuk beamed.

"But I don't want to lose money." Jaehwan whined.

"You don't have to play. Oh hey, speak of the devil."

"Human Hongbin is not a devil." Jaehwan said defensively.

"That is debatable." Wonshik said, giggling and squirming as Hongbin pinched him.

"What's going on?" Hongbin asked, unphased by the comments.

"Last chance Jae, before we ask. Do you want to bet that I'm right or that Wonshik is right? It's only 15 RCU for you no matter what. It's not a whole lot." Hyuk prodded. 

"Fine, I think Hyuk is right. That sounded awful. For a minute I thought you had cyborg hands and you were destroying them." Jaehwan patted the hand he was holding.

"Ok, so question being?" Hongbin prompted.

"Is it bad for you to crack your knuckles?" Wonshik asked.

"No, it's fine." Hongbin shrugged. 

"Ha! Suckers, both of you owe me 15 RCU."

"NO! Hongbin quick retract your statement and look it up!" Hyuk shouted. 

"Can't dispute facts. What happens is it actually releases nitrogen bubbles sitting in the joint. It's not a bad thing." Hongbin snickered. 

Jaehwan pouted. Bets were dumb. "I still think it sounds like you are trying to break yourself."

Hyuk leaned in close to the alien. "Don't worry, he'll totally forget about it." He whispered. Wonshik rolled his eyes at the not so subtle reassurance. He decided to leave their money alone. 

"Any other medical fact bets?" Hongbin said, intending to be the bookie so he could get a cut.

. . .


End file.
